Ok... Update! Ya'll won't believe this. Well, you probably will... but it's still pretty cool.
So for days I scoured the intrawebs. I reached out to every dealer that posted a 2010-2012 Escape with under 90K miles. Spent a few days taking test drives, sitting at desks while "let me run this past my manager" guy pretended to be in sales. I exhausted my local search and surrounding area. Time to increase my radius so I started hitting up dealers with postings between 70 and 100 miles away. This included such exotic locations as Fort Wayne, Louisville, and Cincinnati. During the second phase, I found what appeared to be a particularly nice vehicle in a small town about an hour outside of Indy in Covington, IN. As I read over the carfax report, I thought 'there's no way this can be real'. I sent a message to the dealer that evening, getting the usual robot email in return. Next day, I called the Ford dealer. What unfolded before me... well, it was once in a lifetime.
The car was a 2011 Escape. This Escape had been purchased by a retired school teacher in Covington, IN. She didn't get around very well. Kept the car in the garage when not making her grocery runs. The vehicle had every oil change, every service, and every repair completed at the same dealership she bought it at in Covington, IN. There were some years where the car was driven a mere 3,000 miles. In the whole year. Total. In all, it had gathered a whopping 59,521 miles since it's purchase in October of 2010. Oh... it was for sale at the same dealership it was purchased at in Covington, IN. The retired school teacher traded it in for a 2020 Escape. The car is perfect. It's like a time machine. I think it's actually in better condition than our original Escape when we purchased it in 2012. It's a carbon copy, also. Same color. No sunroof - but that's minor. The tires had some cracking - they put new tires on it, aligned it, and gave me a lifetime powertrain warranty (they do that with all of their lower mileage used cars). To say the least, I'm very pleased.
It's pretty much like driving the same car.